Coping

I’ve been really struggling coping lately and maintaining a sense of security. I’ve been self loathing and hating. Basically internalizing all my rage and anger and directing it towards myself. I’ve been too tired of the fighting to carry on. Tired of the daily battle of existence. I’ve been blaming myself for the trauma I experienced. I should have fought harder to try and stop it or not stopped trying to get help by telling people what was happening until someone listened to me. I shouldn’t have worried about what others thought and shamed myself into silence. These thoughts have been tearing me up inside. All the what- ifs and should have, could have and would haves. It’s very hard for me to stop this negative thinking once it has spiraled out of control. Sadly, yet fortunately, in my group therapy today, there was a new girl to the group and she was talking about the struggles she is facing at this current moment. It kind of helped me put my pain into perspective. Fortunately mine is past pain and trauma that I’m finally starting to deal with which is hard all on its own, but I’m not experiencing current issues along with it. I guess what I’m trying to say is, sometimes it takes someone else’s pain and sorrow to help put ours into perspective and dig ourselves out of the hole we put ourselves in.