Today is the first time in months I had suicidal ideations. I used to suffer from them daily. So I was a bit surprised when it smacked me in the forehead. Things have been a little rocky for me emotionally this past week. I’m going through some unwanted changes. I’m having to switch therapists, which I am finding myself struggling with. It left me feeling betrayed, angry and vulnerable. But I believe that’s my fault, I shouldn’t have put so much faith and trust into one person. I got to attached. I think because I told her everything about my childhood. I gave her the weight that was on my shoulders that I had been carrying for so long. Change for me is tough. I have major trust issues, so when I let someone in to see the real me and let my guard down, I feel betrayed when said person has to move on and leaves me there stranded. On the plus side, I have a new therapist whom I feel may be a good fit for me. The walls may take stone time before they crumble completely but I see it happening at least. I’m not going to dwell on the suicidal thoughts because they will pass and I’m glad I’m able to recognize where it is stemming from today. Each day brings me just that much closer to a healthier me.